Gender Code

 Pre-reading questions:

1) What happens when people break gender codes?  Do kids naturally know and obey gender codes?  When do they start to be more aware of them?

 

2) This is from a mother’s point of view who wants her son to let his creativity and identity be and flourish without gender code restrictions.  Can boys wear nail polish?  Is it okay for them to wear lots of jewelry?

 

Bedecked

by Victoria Redel

 

Tell me it’s wrong the scarlet nails my son sports or the toy store rings	1
he clusters four jewels to each finger.
He’s bedecked.  I see the other mothers looking at the star choker,
the rhinestone strand he fastens over a sock.
Sometimes I help him find sparkle clip-ons when he says sticker earrings	5
look too fake.
Tell me I should teach him it’s wrong to love the glitter that a boy’s only
a boy who’d love a truck with a remote that revs,
battery slamming into corners or Hot Wheels loop-de-looping off tracks
into the tub.	10
Then tell me it’s fine—really—maybe even a good thing—a boy
who’s got some girl to him,
and I’m right for the days he wears a pink shirt on the seesaw in the park.
Tell me what you need to tell me but keep far away from my son who	15
still loves a beautiful thing not for what it means—
this way or that—but for the way facets set off prisms and  prisms spin up
everywhere
and from his own jeweled body he’s cast rainbows—made every shining
true color.	20
Now try to tell me—man or woman—your heart was ever once that brave.

 

Post-Reading Questions

Read again to yourself.  Mark a line that stood out to you either because you liked it or didn’t understand it or for any other reason.

 

Discuss gender expectations. Why can’t this little boy like sparkle?  What is mom doing?  Can males wear nail polish?  Why or why not?  Can girls wear "boy" clothes and participate in "boy activities" more easily?  Why is this a double standard?

 

 

creating awareness together

video and response

female  adolescent depression also boys tend to do when they are getting depressed its opposite they are more likely act out

1. (boy depression  -more likely to become aggressive) (you can sense get mad , yells ) never good time to talk with him. sometimes i felt hopeless on him 
2. when wake up in a bad mood
3. they had no one to talk to like no one could really listen to me and tell me you know its gonna be okay . sometime the kids they could more put pressure on their parents.
   
4. cursing and screaming at people most people see it as conduct disorder or just a bad kid 
5. before they see as the sign of depression boy sucide is the third leading cause of death 
6. young male may become suicidal 
7. the boy are make them hide 
8. most in pain they canot reach out ask for help 
9. they are very ashame to breakout of it 
10. they live behind the emotional mask 

take off the mask and focus on learning 

when you take off these mask 

you let people see 

what is it you dodn't let people see 

what is behind the mask 

anger ??????

my pain????

my heart ????
 

whats on the mask they open? 

sadness 

fear 

goofy , kindness ,smile 

tears , sad 

missing my dad 

pain 

why do we think we hold back our pain 

with pocker face on 

not just activity on the paper 

we don't feel safe that why we hide behind 

that is real 

we are only eight here 

out there there are more than 100 of men having the same pain liked us. 

to the anger that we are holding behnid 

we open up to the wrong person 

explode to the wrong person 

what it mean to be a mean 

 

yearning for guidance 

compare to girl boy are more likely to drop out of school  

whats behind the behavior problem

why you kick them out 

go into the kindergarden class 

sixth grade 

asking question they answer that : I don't know , i don't care 

every body has potention 

they need stimulation 

you are not cool you are being smart

cool to be liked i don't care 

i know that something going  on with uou 

we have the responsiblity to make out of it 

i wanted to resemble 

 he loved 

not abusive

trying to seek approval of the coach 

coaches 

12 year old football player 

what are we teaching this boy about girl

lack of moral clarity

racial slur

player beating up women

player beating up children 

gladiators 

sport build character 

transformational 

american masculinity 

we try to adhere 

hyperviolence 

sterotype

all about money power 

all about imitaing hypermusculinity

imitaing the character they end up 

kids habituabe the same character 

technology 

fivety over h

31% of male are 

boy brain are being digitally rewired through technology 

99% of boys playing video game 

90% of game rated appropriate for children over 10 contain violence 

their head and their heart come into conflict 

because of their heart may be saying " i know this is wrong " 

i should do something " A man would act " 

acting ethically

over half of the boy are abused 

( 1 in 6 boys ) sexually abuse

i knew that i was suicidal 

i was a cutter r

swollow the entire of my aunty's prescription pills 

Human child know that not love he or she 

abused or neglect child 9 times increase commit crime

the best way 

every hours 3 people are killed by a gun 

1 school shooting per week

when they are neglected 

when they are ignored 

when they are abandoned 

 

they did not have pride or selflove 

over half of boy are physically abused 

 

 

 

 

1. more removed
2. more quiet 
3. not response 
   

 low level of threat 

Insulting words 

Grow some fucking balls ! Act like a man - Be a man - Be a man. 

 

THE

 Earliest of his memory -my father bring me down my mother pacement

he gave me 3 words to be a man 

(1) stop the emotions

(2)stop tears 

(3) dominated control

traumatic ashame : I wasnot quite man enough

John 

if you really know me 

sometime hard to talk about somebody 

I used to hide emotions when I am sad 

i did not have any friend so i did not have any one who to talk to