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 A bad attack of flu has prevented me from writing to you until today Its wretched to be ill here when i wanted to cough one two three 

I crawled under the blankets and tried to stifle the noise .

Usually the only rsult was that the tickle wouldnot go away at all and milk and honey sugar or lozenges had to be brough into operation.

It make me dizzy to think of all the cures that were tried on me . Sweating , compresses , wet clothes on my chest , dry clothes on my chest , hot drinks , gargling , throat paintin , lying stilll , cushion for extra warmth , hot water bottles , lemon squashes and in addition the thermometer every two hours . 

Can anyone really get better like this ? 

The worst moment of all was certainly when Mr Dussel thought he wold play doctor and came and lay on my naked chest with his greasy head , in order to listen to the sound within . Not only did his hair tickle unbearably , but i was embrassed in spite of the fact that he once, thirty years ago, studied medicine and has the title of doctor. Why should the fellow come and lie on my heart? 

He is not my lover  , after all ! For that matter, he wouldnot hear weather its healthy or unhealthy inside me anyway , his ear need syringing first. as he’s becoming alarmingly hard of hearing.

But that is enough about illness. 

I am as fit a a fiddle  again , one centimeter taller , two pounds heavier , pale and with the reall appetite of learning.

There is no much news to tell you. 

Wwe are all getting on well together for a change.

There is no quarreling we haven’t had such peace in the home for at least half a year . Elli is still parted ro us . 

We received extra oil for christmax, sweets and syrup, the chief present is a brooch , made out of a two and a half cent piece and shining beautifully . Anyway , lovely but indescrible. 

Mr  Dussel gave Mummy and Mr Van Daan a lovely cake which he had asked Miep to bake for him . With all her work, she has to do that as well I have also something for Miep and Elli. For the first two months . I have saved the sugar from my porridge , you see and with Mr Koophuis;s help I will have it made into fondants .

It is dizzly weather , the stove smells , the food lies heavily on everybody’s tummy , causing thunderous noises on all side ! The war at a standstill , morale rotten . 

Dear Kitty ,

I have previously written about how much we are affected by atmospheres here and I think that in my own case this trouble is getting much worse lately. 

Himmeloch Jaunchzend and zum TOde betrubt certainly fits here 

I am Himmeloch jauchzend 

if i only think how luckly we ar eher compared with other jewish children, and zum Tode Betrubt come over me when as happened today for example Mr Koophuis comes and tells us about her daughter Cory’s Hockey club , canoe (alight  narrow boat with pointed end with no keels / a light narrow boat that you move along inthe water with a padddle ) trips ,  theatrical performances and friends . I don’t think i am jealous of Corry , but I could not help feeling a great longing to have lots of fun my self for once , nd laugh until  my tummy ached . Especially at this time of the year with all the holidays for CHristmas and the New Year , and we are stuck here like outcasts . Still I really ought not to write this , because it seems ungreatful and I have certainly been exaggerating. But still, whatever you think of me, I can’t keep everything to myself, so I will remind you of my opening words . Paper is patient . 

When someone comes in from outside with the wind in their clothes and the cold on their faces then I could bury my head in the blankets to stop myself thinking . When we be granted the privilege of smelling fresh air ? And because I must not bury my head in the blankets but the reverse I must keep my head high and be brave , the thoughts will come not once , but oh countless times . Believe me , if you have been shut up for a year and a half l it can get too much for you some days . In spite of all justice and thankfulness you cannot crush your feelings .

Cycling , dancing whilstling , looking out into the world feeling young to know that I am free. thats what I long for , still , I mustnot show it , because sometimes think if all eight of us began to pity ourselves , or went about with discontented faces , where would it lead us ? I sometimes ask myself “ Would anyone ,, either Jew or Non Jew understand this about me, that I am simply a young girl badly in need of some rollicking fun. 

Rollicking

Definitions

• WordNet 3.6
  • adj rollicking given to merry frolicking "frolicsome students celebrated their graduation with parties and practical jokes"

I don’t know an I could not talk about it to any one , because then I know I should crying can bring such relief.

In spite of all my theories and however much trouble I take each day I miss having real mother who understand me . That is why with everything I do and write think of the Mumsie that I want to be for my children  later on . The Mumsie who doesn’t take every thing that is said in general conversation. so seriously. I have noticed , through I cannot explain how , that the word Mumsie tells you everything . O you know what i have found ? To give me the filing of calling mummy something which sounds like Mumsie I often call her Mum then from that come Mums the incomplete Mumsie as it were whom I would so love to honor ith the extra ie and yet who does not realize it . Its a good thing because it would only make her unhappy . Thats enough about that writing. Has made my zum tode betrubt fo off a bit.

Saturday 25 December 1943

Dear Kitty, 

During these days now that Christmax is here , i find myself thinking all the time about Pim and what he told me about the love of his youth. Last year I didnot understand the meaning of his words as well as I do now . IF he would only talk about it again , perhaps I would be able to  show him that I understand.

I believe that Pim talk about it because he who knows the secret of so many other hearts had to express his own feeling for once because otherwise Pim never says a word about himself, and I don’t think Margot has any idea of all Pim has had to go through.

Poor Pim he cannot make me think that he has forgotten everything.He will never forget this . He has become very tolerent . I hope that I shall grow a bit like him. Without having to go through all that . 

Monday 27 December 1943

On the Friday evening for the first time in my life I received something or christmas Koophuis , Kraler and the girl had prepared a lovely surprise again. Miep has made a lovely Christmax cake. , on which was written Peace 1944  Elli had provided a pound of sweet biscuits of yoghurt and a bottle of beer for each of the grownnups . Everything was so nicely done up , and there were pictures stuck on the different packages . Otherwise Christmas passed by quickly for us.

Wednesday 29 December 1943

I was very unhappy again last evening . Granny and Lies came into my mind. Granny, oh darling Granny how little we understood of what she suffered or how sweet she was . And besides all this she knew a terrible secret which she carefully kept to herself the whole time. How faithful and good Granny always was , she would never have let one of us down. Whatever it was however naughty I had been , Granny always stuck up for me .

Granny did you love me or didn’t you understand me either  ? I don’t know . NO one ever talked about themselves to Granny. How lonely Granny must have been, how lonely in spite of us ! A person can be lonely even if he is loved by many people, becase he is till not the One and Only to anyone.

 And lies , is she still alive ? What is she doing ? Oh God protect her and bring her back to us . Lies , I see in you all the time what my lot might have been , I keep seeing my self in your place . Why then should I often be unhappy over what happen here? Shouldn’t  I always be glad, contented, and happy , except when I think about her and her companions in distress ? I am selfish and cowardly. Why do i always dream and think of most terrible things my fear makes me want to scream out lout sometimes . Because still , in spite of everything. I have not enough faith in God . He has given me so much that is wrong everyday . IF you think of your fellow creatures , then you only want to cry , you could really cry the whole day long . The only thing to do is pray that God will perform a miracle and save some of them. And I hope that I am doing that enough. 

Sunday 2 January 1944 

This morning when I had nothing to do. I turned over some of the pages of my dairy and several times I came across letters dealing with the subject Mummy in such a hotheaded way that I was quite shocked and asked myself . Anne is it really you who mentioned hate ? Oh , Anne , how could you “ I remained sitting with the open page in my hand and thought about it how it came about tht I should have been so brimful of rage and really so filled with such a thing as hate that  I had to confide it all in you . 

I have been trying